


Timeless Dinners

by cruisedirector



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Angst, Doomed Timelines, Episode: s05e06 Timeless, F/M, Food, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-01-30
Updated: 2002-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-06 20:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cruisedirector/pseuds/cruisedirector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chakotay has dinner in several different timelines from "Timeless."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After I gave Tessa Omond a story, Chakotay decided he had to have equal time. This sort of has a happy ending, at least.

Kathryn's grandmother's vegetable biryani recipe was delicious. Maybe not as good as Chakotay's own grandmother's cooking, when it came down to comparisons, but he didn't care--he barely tasted the food, anyway. Flowers, music, the candlelight on her hair, her hand on his cheek...between the champagne and the woman filling his other senses to surfeit, he could have eaten raw leola root and thought it was the best meal anyone had ever made for him.

What in heck was she up to?

Kathryn was in uniform. And she'd greeted him with a PADDful of Harry's flight plans, but she'd put that down right away; he was the one who brought up business the second he walked through the door, instead of complimenting her decor and the candles and how good she looked. Well, that last might have been out of place, since she hadn't dressed for the occasion--whatever the occasion was, possibly depending on what she had on under that uniform, but that wasn't a line of thought he'd let himself pursue unless she gave him clear reason to think he should.

But she'd been beautiful all day, especially with confetti in her hair, laughing and celebrating with the rest of the crew about the new drive. And then she'd asked about his dinner plans, and ordered--ordered!--him to break his date with the replicator. And invited him to her quarters even after the bad news from Tom.

"I've never had tomatoes in biryani before," Chakotay commented. "They're good."

"Well, the garlic wasn't replicating right and I had nothing that resembled carrots, so I improvised. They're Talaxian tomatoes--not as sweet as the ones back in Indiana."

Chakotay started; of course he vividly remembered the last time they'd discussed Talaxian tomatoes, but had come to the conclusion that that sort of conversation would never be repeated. "Who are you, and what have you done with Captain Janeway?" he joked. The woman across the table smiled mysteriously, swirling her champagne in the long fluted glass as she leaned toward him.

"Does it seem so out of character for me to take this risk with the quantum drive?"

"That seems very much in character. It's the cooking I can't get over."

"Well, I've owed you for awhile now." She put down the glass and covered his hand with her own on the tablecloth. For the umpteenth time that night, he was glad the table covered his lap. "It's not as good as your cooking, but it was the least I could do."

Chakotay squeezed her fingers and tried not to react too emotionally. Was she really going to bring up New Earth, now, after refusing to discuss it for two years? "I haven't cooked for you in a long time, either," he said as neutrally as possible. "Not much time to go pick tomatoes in hydroponics."

"I know. I'm sorry." Her apology emcompassed more than the tomatoes. She took another drink, turned her fork over, and asked, "Want dessert now, or do you want to talk first?"

"That depends what's for dessert." Kathryn shot him an inscrutable look, but he smiled blandly; that wasn't any more suggestive than 'Speaking of risks...ready to try a little home cooking?' had been. "Actually, I'm a little stuffed. Maybe we'd better talk first and then you can tell me."

"Good." She rose, still holding his hand, and led him around the table toward her sofa. The vanilla-scented candles filled the room with a soft, warm glow that was distinctly romantic; he wondered as he sat beside her whether he'd failed to heed a cue. If so, she was going to have to spell it out for him. After all this time, he wasn't about to take a risk so great without the evident approval of his commanding officer.

Which she might be no longer, a day away, if everything worked in the morning.

As if she'd read his mind, Kathryn began, "I think we should discuss what might happen if we do get back. I don't want you to think I'm being overly optimistic, but I think it would be better to have certain issues worked out. Chakotay, it's possible that Starfleet won't hail all of us as heroes."

"I know that. I think every member of my former crew has always known that." The old dividing line, which seemed like ancient history, but she was right to bring it up: there was no telling how Starfleet Command would view these last remaining members of a destroyed resistance group. "What will you do if they want to lock us up?"

"I won't let them lock you up. You must know that. I'll fight whoever I have to."

Chakotay supposed he had known that for a long time, but it still filled him with relief and pleasure to hear her say it. "Then there's really not that much to talk about, is there," he replied with satisfaction.

"There are other issues."

"Such as?"

"What happens to us."

For a moment he thought she meant the commanding officers of Voyager--it was unlikely either of them would be offered a promotion, given that they'd be arriving back in the midst of a war or its aftermath, and it might take months at headquarters just to get them up to speed. The first officer was about to tell the captain that he wished to continue serving under her and hoped some of the senior staff would choose to stay aboard, when he got a good look at her guarded expression and his throat closed over a little.

"You mean, 'us'?" He lifted their intertwwined hands for emphasis, grateful again for the darkness.

"That's right."

"I think it's your move, Kathryn. It's been your move for a long time."

In the moment before she broke eye contact, Kathryn looked both uneasy and immensely relieved. "I wasn't sure you were still interested," she murmured, half to herself. "I'll tell you the truth, Chakotay, I wasn't even sure I was interested, until getting home seemed to be a real possibility. You've been my best friend for four years, closer even than Tuvok, but it's so hard to separate out what's us and what's our positions--it's not something I'm prepared to do, as your captain."

"Then if you don't mind my asking, what's with all this?" Chakotay gestured around the room with his free hand. "Not that I'm objecting, Kathryn, it's very nice, but it sends a bit of a mixed signal. I'm not sure which rules to play by tonight. What if we don't get home tomorrow?"

"That's why this is just dinner." Her gaze was level, not attempting to evade the suggestion of the alternative, but not inviting it. She took her hand back. His palm felt cold without her touch. "I don't want to promise something I might not be able to keep. Chakotay, you're right, we might not get home tomorrow. We might end up...what you were afraid of, when you said any Starfleet engineer would say we were crazy."

"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we may fall victim to a phase variance," he said lightly. Obviously, this was not the time to press, to argue philosopical differences in their approaches to command or relationships...nor to kiss her, even if this might be his last opportunity to do so, in the face of the great unknown. "I think I'm ready for dessert now. Kathryn...if we do get back, or even four-fifths back, I want you to promise me we'll do this again tomorrow night. I'll cook."

"Agreed." Kathryn's expression brightened so much that his lingering frustrations were swept away. She rose, her face gleaming in the candlelight. "I hope you like strawberries and cream."

"Are you going to feed them to me?"

She chuckled warmly as they headed back toward the table. "After all the work I did replicating them, I think you should feed them to me."

Dessert, too, was delicious. As was the chaste goodnight kiss he placed on her cheek, too quickly for her to have to decide whether or not to return it. Chakotay winked as he stepped out the door, shaking his head and murmuring, "Tomorrow night."


	2. Chapter 2

The hotel was Starfleet's finest, a restored building overlooking the bay, and they'd given him one of the best suites. He hated the view. He hated the rooms. And when a porter arrived with dinner--including a large bowl of fresh midwestern strawberries--he hated the food, too. He couldn't eat a bite.

The sick feeling had started the moment they came out of the slipstream and saw Earth gleaming out the viewport. The comm was silent. At first they both hoped they'd simply failed to reconnect with the ship once they emerged into normal space--that somehow Voyager had overshot them in the stream and made it through--but within moments, as the first uneasy hails from Starfleet reached the experimental shuttle, they knew Voyager was gone. As Chakotay stared out the viewport at the beautiful planet, his gut confirmed something he'd suspected for years now:

It wasn't home. They hadn't gotten home. They'd left "home" stranded somewhere in subspace, to a fate they might never know.

He'd left her alone.

He lay face-down on the bed, shaking, but the tears wouldn't come.

The first two hours had been grueling. At first, Starfleet wouldn't give them permission to land. When they did, the Delta Flyer was immediately confiscated, while the two of them were sent through an extensive decontamination, including a blood test to prove that they were actually human. Chakotay and Harry were both frantic to talk to someone about Voyager, to try to map the slipstream before there were no particle emissions left to track, but the bustle of congratulatory pilots and uneasy admirals interfered. Everyone wanted to hear about the quantum drive--the theory and the manufacture of it--but while Janeway's earlier fears about having to thank the Borg Collective failed to concern Starfleet, they were very interested in the potential use of such a system against the Dominion. The Cardassians' new allies--he had landed back into the middle of a war that wasn't going well for any of his people.

The only question to which they were able to get a definitive answer was the worst news possible: Starfleet couldn't spare a single ship to search for Voyager, even with slipstream technology and Borg innovations aboard. Harry was already trying to contact ships on deep-space research in the direction of the Delta Quadrant, but with security so high and supplies so low, it sounded like it might be months if not years before anyone made Voyager a priority.

Harry's parents were on the way to the hotel now. So were his Academy roommate and Libby, his former girlfriend, who had married another man in his absence but was bringing some of his books and musical instruments. Chakotay had contacted no one. There was nobody he could think of whom he wanted to see. He'd gotten quite a few messages from well-wishers who'd gotten the news, but had no interest in responding. In the morning, maybe he'd try to get ahold of Kathryn's mother, or Mark Johnson. Mark would understand. Even if he'd married someone else, he would know what it was like to lose Kathryn Janeway. He wouldn't let it happen again--he had to be that kind of man, if Kathryn had spent a decade with him. And Gretchen Janeway had to have some clout in Starfleet, the widow of an admiral; she'd already lost enough.

"Kathryn," Chakotay said aloud, though his voice was raspy and caught in his throat. He moved to the terminal to start compiling names and contact sites. War or no war, someone was going out there to look for Voyager as soon as possible. Another message was coming through; idly, Chakotay switched to reception mode.

He was surprised to see the face of Commander William T. Riker. Chakotay had known Will's twin Tom briefly in the Maquis, and knew Kathryn had met him at the Academy, but it surprised him that the man would contact him so quickly. "Welcome home, Commander," Riker smiled. "I'm sure every admiral and his mother is contacting you to contragulate you on your trip, but I heard that Voyager didn't make it back with you. I'm sorry. I don't know whether this means anything and you'll probably think I'm crazy for bringing it up, but I had a dream that I was on Voyager about two years ago. I dreamed that Q brought me there for a trial of some sort, and I met Janeway and Tuvok. I've never met Tuvok, but I feel like I know him. If there's anything I can do to help you find them, please let me know."

Riker was a genius. Chakotay didn't know how to send a signal to the Continuum to beg for help, but it was worth a try. He stood in the middle of the room and cleared his mind--this was not like contacting his animal guide, this was something else, not prayer exactly but a kind of projection. "Q!" he called loudly. "Q! I know you can hear me, you're supposed to be omnipotent. I need your help. Kathryn Janeway needs your help, and you owe her." Silence. Chakotay opened his eyes to look around. He felt like a fool.

"Q," he tried again. "You've got to help. She'll be lost if you don't, it's such a little thing to you, I know you're not supposed to interfere but you've got to do something..." His hands had started to shake again. "Damn it, Q! I'm begging you. Help me find Kathryn..."

That was as far as he could get before he knew that Q wasn't listening. If a non-temporal being was going to change the timeline, it would have changed already; he wouldn't be here now, remembering. And if he couldn't get Q to save Kathryn Janeway, it was going to be just as hopeless with Starfleet. They'd just gotten started and it was already over.

Chakotay felt himself crumbling into despair, picked up a glass from the food cart and smashed it into the fireplace as a distraction. Tears were running down his face when he reached for the next one, so he wasn't sure at first if he was seeing things.

But when he wiped his eyes, it was clear: the strawberries had turned into tomatoes. Little red Talaxian tomatoes, the kind Kathryn had been cultivating on New Earth, the kind she'd served him for dinner barely a day ago. A variety that had never been grown on Earth, and presumably never would be--not without Neelix and Voyager to introduce them.

Chakotay willed his heart to slow down. It wasn't the sort of answer he wanted, but at least he knew Q had heard him. What did it mean? Perhaps the tomatoes were just meant to console him. He took deep breaths, recalled his father's voice urging patience, optimism. Reaching for one of the fruits, he bowed his head.

"For you, Kathryn."

To his surprise, the tomatoes stayed in his stomach. And he knew he would survive. Which meant it wasn't over.


	3. Chapter 3

He went to the holodeck while she talked to Harry, wishing he understood. Kathryn had said his own command codes were used to activate the system which recorded the message Seven had received from Harry. That meant that, whatever had happened in that future which never happened, he'd been there with Ensign Kim. Where had the Delta Flyer gone, that morning which no longer existed? Had they gotten home? Gotten lost? Traveled more or less than the ten years they'd shaved off their journey before the inexplicable command to dissipate the slipstream, sent by Harry, intercepted by Seven, accepted by the captain even before she knew what the message was?

Chakotay hated the uncertainty. Every time he reached out for Kathryn, the timeline shifted under them, drawing her away. He'd expected her to turn him away again when he went to her ready room after the quantum drive stopped functioning, but she smiled wanly and agreed to join him for dinner. He'd planned a quiet meal in his quarters, perhaps with more candles and music, but an impulse he couldn't quite name drove him to the holodeck, where he traded replicator rations for Tom's reserved time with Captain Proton and Chaotica.

He hadn't let himself run the program for months, had altered and deleted portions of it, and perhaps his memory was playing tricks on him because some things didn't look quite right. It took until early evening for him to be satisfied. By the time Kathryn arrived, he was a little grubby and sweaty, and had barely started dinner. When the computer informed him that she had entered, he had to rush to wash his face and hands, so that by the time he greeted her she'd made her way to the garden and was standing by the plants staring at the shelter.

"Welcome home," he said quietly. It wasn't until he moved closer that he saw the tears on her face.

"I remember the last time we stood here," she whispered. "I felt like I should say something to you, one way or another...I couldn't bring myself to do either. I feel like I'm right back there with you, Chakotay."

They stood looking at each other for a minute, the somber mood clouding the beautiful evening he'd programmed. He refused to give in to it. Stepping forward, he took her hand.

"Come inside. Dinner's almost finished. I have finally found the perfect use for your tomatoes."

Five minutes later she was laughing, their problems forgotten. "You pickled them! Chakotay, how could you!" The captain wagged a finger at him. "You didn't tell the truth about not having time to pick tomatoes. It takes time to ferment the vinegar and more time for the vegetables to pickle. When did you do all this?"

"I had to do something to keep them fresh over all this time when no one was eating them. Have a bite of my cucumber, Kathryn, it's excellent." She splashed pickle juice on him as punishment for the innuendo, but sank her teeth into one of the vegetables, smiling in approval. "After appetizers, I thought we could go for a walk by the river so I can catch some bugs for your main course."

"As long as you're not serving monkey..."

"Captain! I'm a vegetarian!"

He'd made the evening as close to perfect as he could without betraying the accuracy of the setting, so a light breeze lifted her hair back from her face as they walked in the sunset towards the water. He'd planned the timing very carefully, so that it would be twilight when they sat down to eat and full night when they finished, though that had required him to cue the pacing of the light by the piling of the dishes. He supposed she would have been more comfortable leaving before it got completely dark, but he was unwilling to sacrifice the opportunity for one more night with her in this place, even if she cut it short.

Kathryn marveled at the detail. "You have these leaves exactly the way they were shaped, with the veined undersides, and how did you recreate the smell? I'd almost forgotten so much...thank you for keeping it." She turned to him with bright eyes. "I thought about creating a holoprogram, but I was afraid I'd change my memories if I had new experiences here."

"I don't come here very often either," Chakotay conceded. "I don't like to be here without you." She touched his arm, then walked a few paces ahead of him, looking into the distance.

"I'm not sure I want to go over all this ground again."

"Then let's go somewhere different tonight."

"I don't think we can. What if we get lost?"

"What if we get home?"

Turning, she lifted her head to meet his eyes. The fading sun turned her hair to flame about her face. "What if we don't?" she demanded. "What if we find ourselves out here with no way back, and it's our own fault, because we can't relate to each other as the captain and first officer of this ship anymore? What if i lose my best friend?"

"You don't sound like the same woman who was ready to try to quantum drive, risks be damned."

"Maybe I'm not. It didn't work, Chakotay. How do you think you would have felt if you'd gotten home without me because I made a mistake like that?"

A chill went through him, though he'd programmed the temperature to stay comfortably warm. "Awful." The admission freed him to make another one. "It's why I didn't think we should try the slipstream in the first place. But I was willing to take that risk with you." As if she, too, were cold, Kathryn crossed her arms across her chest, regarding him silently. Chakotay swallowed his frustration and forced a grin; this approach wasn't working for either of them. "I even ate your cooking," he reminded her gently. "I think it's about time to serve you mine."

Relaxing visibly and smiling in gratitude, his savior and tormentor walked back in his direction. Chakotay held out his arm, formally, to escort her, which she took without hesitation. So easy. Why couldn't the rest of it be so easy? Dinner was a quiet, relaxed affair, with a bit of melancholy about might-have-beens if they'd gotten back to Starfleet and a bit of concern about how Harry would respond to the uncanny message from his would-have-been future self.

Chakotay had thought about replicating more strawberries for dessert, but seemed to have lost his taste for them, himself; instead he took Kathryn outside in the fragrant evening and made a small fire to toast marshmallows. "Amazing that holographic flames can get these so perfect," she sighed as she licked her fingers. "Chakotay, we should come here more often. Just to talk. If you can stand it."

"I can stand it." He met her eyes over the heat. "I decided a long time ago I'd rather be miserable with you than without you." She smiled, started to reach to touch him, then realized she still had marshmallow sticking to her hand. "Are you finished with dessert?"

"I guess so. We had better be getting back."

"Well, I'm not finished with dessert." As he moved toward her he held her eyes with an enigmatic smile, so that she didn't realize what he had in mind until he was too close for her to back away gracefully.

"Chakotay..." she started to warn him, a little too breathlessly.

"A little risk," he admonished. And kissed her. A moment longer than necessary to make his point, perhaps, but she didn't try to escape. She sat afterwards with her lips moistly parted, firelight glowing on her face and hair. He couldn't tell whether her eyes were damp from emotion or the fire, nor, if the former, whether she was happy or hurt. She sat there staring at him until he couldn't stand the scrutiny.

"Kathryn...was it that bad?"

She looked into his eyes before lowering her gaze to the fire. "No. It was...that..." Her voice faded as she scrambled to her feet, but he caught her hand before she could escape.

"Wait, please. I'm sorry, I shouldn't..."

Kathryn turned to him slowly. He was terrified of what was going to come out of her mouth next, but stood stoically as she lifted her face to meet his gaze. For a moment he thought it was an invitation to kiss her again, yet she hesitated as he shifted closer. "You don't have to apologize. It's not you, it's me. If I didn't want you to, I would have stopped you. But...don't do it again. Don't make me choose."

"What if I asked you to choose? What if I can't go on the middle? Just tell me what it is we're waiting for..."

"Chakotay, I've never asked you to go on in the middle. You've been free to choose all along."

That was harder than being asked to wait, he thought. Aloud he said, "I don't think I can. Not until you do. Not while there's still some chance...I try. It doesn't stick." He felt tears threatening, and thought she might consider that more unforgivable than kissing her. Too much responsibility. "I know we've disagreed as captain and first officer, and had it affect us. But Kathryn, if I'd gotten home without you today, I would have spent the rest of my journey trying to get back. I meant it when I said always. Whatever you choose."

She blinked, and a tear spilled down her cheek, which set them both off. He pulled her roughly into his arms so they wouldn't have to look at each other as they both fought for control. The moment he could breathe again, after he'd repressed the urge to cry but before the nearness of her body could overwhelm his other urges, he stepped back.

"Computer, save program and end."

They were on an empty holodeck, in uniform, suddenly the captain and first officer once more. She straightened, wiping her eyes.

"It's there waiting, Kathryn."

"Thank you..." Her voice warbled, making him grin. "...for dinner," she amended with a laugh that had a little bit of a sob in it, but their regular roles were already beginning to reassert themselves. Maybe for as long as they had the quantum drive, they suffered from a minute temporal displacement; now that was gone. "I don't want to make promises about when I can make it up to you. But I will. I promise."

"Whenever you're ready to take the risk." The smiles slowly faded. She would be hungry again, Chakotay thought. And so would he.


End file.
